i need an iv and a liver transplant
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Randomize
