i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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