I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize