Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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