Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
