Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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