I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
