Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
This house was built for laser tag.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize