You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
