the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
