I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
