**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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