Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
my being single is dangerous.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
