I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize