I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
