but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
