So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sext me about skeletons
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
