Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
