Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
you had me at cake vodka
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize