please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
