fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
