Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
