So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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