Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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