so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize