yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
