Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
