Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
