Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Panties = found
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
