my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Randomize
