He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
