No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Randomize
