"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
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