We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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