forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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