Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
