is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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