do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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