I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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