Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Randomize
