The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
