nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
