she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Randomize
