DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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