I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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