I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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