WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
