Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Randomize
