you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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