I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
