U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
