He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
