If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
