glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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