people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
