A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
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