Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
two words...techno handjob
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
