Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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