i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
