my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
