He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
