never play flip cup with pint glasses
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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