I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
