Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
