He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
