you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
