how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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