So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
