I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
