Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
