My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
