i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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