I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
MIDGETS
????
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Randomize
