I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
