He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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