I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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