you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
The feeling are messing with the penis
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
