in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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