i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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