One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Randomize
