I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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