i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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