Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize