Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
