He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize