She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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