Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
