I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
