Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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