I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
