I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
