Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
