So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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