so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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