I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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