your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
