So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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