Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
