Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Randomize
