We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize