If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
