Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
