I think my fart just growled at me.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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