No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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