Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
