literally had 100 drinks last night.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
