Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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